"If you're not excited about it it's not the right path" Abraham Hicks
When tons of changes occur, when life is uprooted, when goals start to come true, when the old ways begin to shed and the new take root......then what?
I put up all of the defenses. I install what I call Fort Knox security system. I guard my heart, I reduce my friend pool, I become more introverted, more reserved, I don't let people in, I don't hang myself out there anymore. I run and hide in a self built dungeon. I don't respond to emails, or phone calls or texts. I cancel social engagements, I find reasons why I can't attend classes and activities. What the hell?
The things I wanted so badly, that I devoted the last year to. I earned the Reiki masters Degree, I built up a client base, I followed my intuition and did what I felt was right for the welfare of another human which turned into a real fight, and a lot of anxiety, but it is over and the beautiful soul is safe and happy. I started to earn the income helping people, I moved closer to source by meditating, being grateful, constantly being vigilant with my heart. I've worked tirelessly to overcome negative thought patterns, obsessive behavior, and lower level energies like hate, worry, sorrow, anger, and fear. I lost two of my life long best friends and instead of relying on outside sources of solace, I faced it head on, expressing myself emotionally and caring for myself. I've helped numbers of people find happiness, find their passion. I have learned that happiness is a reality I create or choose not to.
After all of this grueling work, I feel lost. Where do I go now that I am new? How do I live my life without the addiction to being a victim, or without the addiction to being needed. How do I go on without judgement. It feels as if I have moved to a new planet where the most basic things are foreign to me. I want to experience life as an adventure but instead my tendency is to put myself in Fort Knox because even though it is prison, I know what to expect . So after all of this work I feel vulnerable, naked, exposed. Is this how it is? Was all of that stuff just layers and layers of safety blankets? If so, to build these walls would be to make it all for nil. Here I sit at a cross roads. To continue with my new self in a protected environment to wait for another time to grow more or to begin the greatest adventure of my life, completely naked, completely me for all the world to see. The latter excites me and the former tires me, so I know which route I will travel.
Love and Light