As a young mother I always wanted to be the very best mom. To make and grow all of our food from the very most wholesome ingredients. To provide all of the love, attention, and affection that would give them the power to succeed at their dreams. I had so many aspirations, making clothing, teaching, giving them a love of the earth and it's creatures, art, nutrition, self respect, honoring each of their individual interests. Every now and then I would feel as though I had failed at one thing or another and I would just become derailed. I would punish myself relentlessly with guilt. The guilt that I delved out was so intense that I felt the need to numb it. Then it was a downward spiral until I was somehow able to pick myself up again and progress ahead, for them, not for me, for them.
My first mistaken thought process was that, I only had a limited amount of energy, of brain power, of juice, and it all needed to go out! To the children. The second inaccurate thought was that I could keep pushing all of my energy out without refilling it. Lastly, I mistakenly thought that there was a correct way to raise children. Let's address these one at a time.
1. I only have so much energy to give. There was a time in my life, in the not so distant past that literally, it was all I could do to keep my shit together for one day. It was physically painful to get the housework done, to plan the menu, to read to the child. I did it, but begrudgingly, not with joy, just like a robot. I knew what needed done and I did it. But it hurt. And when the slightest extra thing would come up I would just come undone. If a random friend would stop by, if somebody ate an ingredient for the dinner, if the cat threw up on the floor. These things would put me into bed for the rest of the day or worse onto a drinking bender. I just couldn't handle it. I would turn down social engagements, volunteering was out of the question, anything that wasn't already meticulously planned out would exhaust me. Fast forward to now. I was driving home this morning thinking to myself about how many irons I had in the fire, and how they all work out, I have the energy for all of them. I work three days a week at the Senior Center, I see about 5 or 6 clients a week. I meditate daily, I blog, I plan menus, manage our finances, visit friends, volunteer at the school, I am taking two classes right now and I still have time for a daily walk, gardening, and quality time with my kids. What is the difference? I let go of control. If things work out, they do, if they don't they don't. I reschedule when I have to and I don't feel guilty about it because I know that everything will work out as it is suppose to. I now have the belief that I have the energy for as many things as I want. It keeps increasing! If I ever feel overwhelmed I take a close look at what I have on my plate and i will usually realize that I have accepted things that I really don't want to do, I don't feel passionate about them or I would rather do something else and then I kindly cancel those things. I have enough focus and energy for any and everything I want to do. Energy flows to me freely and endlessly. Which leads me to a very important thought, number 2.
2. I can keep pushing out energy without refilling. Fastest track to failure. To give only for the pleasure and elevation of others. The top change in my energy levels has come from literally filling myself up. Meditation, regular reiki treatments, sweat lodges and hot springs, nutritious foods that work with my body's individual physiology, daily walks in nature. Giving myself permission to spend time with the things that I am passionate about, guilt free. These things have made me a better mom, wife, friend, HUMAN. I am able to give ten times more to the world after I have taken amazing care of myself. It sounds cliche, but it's the real deal.
3. There is a right way to raise children, or do anything for that matter. I know many many people from many different backgrounds and not one of them has the same upbringing. Many are successful in life, many are happy, many are wealthy, and all of them have struggles that they are facing and working through. Your experience is unique to your lessons in life. Whatever you need to learn in your time on Earth is what will be handed to you. The difference is how it is handled. I know people who had a really rough childhood by standard terms, yet they are happy and successful in their lives. If you live your life out of love there isn't a way to fail. Do all things in love and you will feel joy in doing them.
If you need help with raising your energy levels, if you want to know what foods your body is craving, if you know that you are capable of so much more yet you just don't know where to begin, I can help you. It is what drives me. It is my passion.
Love and Light